Have that strange sensation at the moment, that one where everything feels like it's being written about rather me writing about it. More than just a residue of the conversation I had  yesterday about the heart having its own memories about the past and the future. It's something I find fascinating and beautiful. To think that my heart remembers what will be, knows the future through its own precognition, holds the insight that gives me that oooh feeling about people and things. Turns out its a possible, well mainstream  science is starting to think about it so that makes it their discovery and the truth, for a while.Apparently, my brain is second in command and only gives me the impression that I'm making the decisions. There have been many times I've had the discussion between one and the other. Both have used me as a sounding board and some agreement has been met that has not always suited either the heart or the head.  

Add to this the conversation that lead to the conclusion that time as we see it is an illusion and that all things past, present and future happen simultaneously which got lodged firmly in my head and really set me up for an afternoon of dealing with training requests .  How am I supposed to function in my allotted role if I cant even accept what's in front of me as real? Add to that the possibility that consciousness is a shared and separate entity on its own and I was really in the mood for walking in to Sainsbury's and shouting "None of this is real"! I kind of feel that anyway. Somewhere, in my heart, I know it..don't I ?


This is the lot of a ponderer.... 

I haven't written for  a while . I've wanted to but in some misguided attempt to become more creative in other areas, I actually ended up doing basically nothing, not even reading. So, back to doing nothing but not doing nothing..if you get me. 

The everyday brings more wondrous and exciting surprises. About five years ago, I worked mainly with the 16 to 19 year age group. One day, I walked out of the room and never went back again, well not in my head, the burn out, or so I was told when I first started was twelve months fro a Basic Skills Tutor.I lasted four years. After some rather intense personal changes, I decided that I couldn't do it any more. It was too much of a constant battle dealing with the attitudes and misguided conceptions of the majority of my charges. I can deal with the quiet, shy, troubled and outcast but the smart arse has always been my default lose of patience switch. Some would say that this was a definite example of  Karma in action.

 As a younger me, I was perhaps something of one myself and as we know, what goes comes  back.

  So, Imagine my delight when faced with the prospect of having to deal with the  18 to 25 age group, on a regular basis. All emotions known to man have been prevalent over this last two weeks and decisions have been made as to how to deal with this new twist in the "this is the state of the business and what has to be done " everyday reality of the modern British workplace. To cut the long, I'm halfway through the second round of this adventure and so far I've been surprised at my reaction to it all. I'm older, They're older and perhaps that's the saving point to all this. The younger me might have lost it at some point but the older me is better at laying out stalls and not feeling that people need constant stimulation to be engaged in what's happening . What makes it a hassle these days is the those who don't involve themselves in delivery and want it to be a six hour slog, repeating the point every hour. Apparently, that's engaging people. Sorry, The real world is sometimes about waiting, and having to be self motivated enough to do things without constant direction and stimulation from external sources or being "engaged".

Lets face it, not matter how much we stimulate people, the fact is they're going to find out it's not all Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory...especially if they get a job...