Off to the land of Swedish flat pack furniture,
Heavy rain on the M6 and the wagons throw up great clouds of fizzing spray.
Rumbling on like huge blind beasts, competing for space and speed regardless of everything around them. The sound of their engines is their bellow. The small almost unreadable signs on their back ends displaying the the warning "If you can't see my mirrors then I can't see you" never fill me confidence but then again I suppose it's better than them saying "get close enough to read this and you'll be dead if anything goes wrong".
The need to get past them is overwhelming.
Arrival at the big blue shed with the yellow writing and I'm amazed at the number of people there. I'm on holiday, what are they doing? My years of working with the jobless kick in and I automatically make a comment about mass unemployment. I'm berated for this so I change tack and suggest the entire population of Mersyside and surrounding environs is enjoying a day off too.
After this overt judgement of my fellow man, I double up on the mistakes and misjudge the slowly revolving door, narrowly avoiding being wedged up against the door frame. That would have been a day to remember, having to be freed by teenagers in yellow T shirts, whilst being scowled at by people wanting to get home so they can get started on putting together that new style defining TV cabinet or Japanese/Swedish influenced chair they've just purchased. In the real world,my wife, who turns to laugh at me, is already inside. Watching what I'm doing this time, I step into the wonderful world of endless lifestyle choices.
After the obligatory toilet visits have been attended to and I've equipped myself with the necessary yellow bag, I find myself waiting and as I look around, I'm suddenly faced with a large map of The World, which for some reason, has been stuck on the wall outside the toilets. I half expect to see little yellow flags dotted around it and a key to inform me of how many of the big blue sheds there are Worldwide and how because of this, the indigenous peoples in remote parts of The World, can still enjoy a nomadic or more natural lifestyles than ours whilst being contemporary in their choice of Yurt or Long house soft furnishings. This isn't the case, so I busy myself looking for Tibet instead. Suddenly my wife is behind me and I am drawn back to the actual the reason for being here,the desire to home improve.
As we go through the big internal doors, I notice the sole occupant of the seated area designed for children. As there is some brash, day glo coloured noise coming from a flat screen on the wall I assume it must be for children . It isn't a child but is in fact a single adult male. He's the same shape as a toddler but the beard gives it away. He isn't watching the noisy mess, just staring slack jawed at his phone and looking beaten. A casualty of the brightly colour kitchen ware wars I imagine, left behind by his squad.
Before we start properly, food is suggested and I take the opportunity to test for myself the fabled meatballs I've heard tales of. After seating is found and I've stood and observed the people in front of me in the drinks queue, the consuming begins. The verdict is unanimous. Should the rest of the day be nothing more than a tiring precursor to an argument, they are without doubt excellent and will be looked upon as a saving grace. Food done, real life continues
We're inside and the barrage begins. Woods, plastics and metal beaten, bent and sculpted into every shape imaginable. Cupboards, side boards, storage solutions, lighting ideas all accompanied by the black and white images of those who have transformed their vision into these life enhancing, labour saving and above all else stylish necessities for modern life. Does putting the picture of the designer on something make it more accessible? I suspect it does. People will think "they made this for me, if I own it, I'll be be owning part of someone's vision, something unique and....stylish".
As we walk around we come to my favourite part of the whole place, the mock ups of living areas. I love these, pretend worlds that you can have as your own. The whole package of modern existence displayed for all to see. Every area needed for modern living in thirty five square metres,or less of space.Lives could be lived out in these little boxes, literally.
What strikes me about them every time I see them is how much like the reality they are for people in some countries of The World and if not now, how they will be in the future.The amount of space used to display a possible life style, is the actual amount some people live in on a daily basis. Space for each of us is decreasing as we increase ourselves over and over. The desire for personal space and definition of character overrides the possibility of a cramped future.
My tour of the imagination continues. I move into a fully modern styled kitchen constructed from metal and sculpted wood and suddenly I'm the only person on board a deep space flight to an unknown star system and then the illusion is shattered as I come across a couple from The Wirral with a baby buggy in tow discussing the bathroom I've walked into. The façade cracks and I'm back to find I'm needed to discuss kitchen tables.
I can be childish in my dealings with reality, I'm well aware of that but am I any more childish than those who see lifestyles as the answer to their problems? Perhaps that's just another assumption, I'm good at them.
The kitchen table is great by the way...
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