SQUARE PEGS.....

Monday..

Grey tinged and humid, driving away from home and The Weekend.

Slotting back in to the organised crawl. Wiper blades, intermittent, hypnotic lulling me away from the stop start and the conversation on the radio, political.
 I try not to have an opinion.

Arrival,

I give half-hearted hellos and then look at the signing in sheet. Health and safety, not really for attendance. What would happen if I didn’t sign it? Would I cease to exist in the case of emergency?

I put my best scrawl in the box. I wish I cared about these things as I should.

Breathe in,

 I work on some files, putting the right things in the right boxes. I hide away so that there’s little chance of being bothered. I do alright for a while and then find myself suddenly staring at nothing. I’ve drifted; become the me under the work face again, daydreaming. I can’t do this for long without coming to a dead stop.
 I wonder about doing something else, being a more decisive person but it doesn’t last long.
 I’m not that person, too twisty in my thoughts and far too easily distracted by things. Traits not designed for the realm of decision makers.

I look at my watch; I’ve been rescued by dinner time and spend an hour looking at the world through on line eyes.  

Afternoon, people appear, damp, subdued and wearing the grey of the outside world.

It begins,

I sit with each one individually and give support but before too long, the whole thing somehow becomes a mismatch of ideas and subjects, random and as far removed from job searching as it can be. Relaxed attitude brings its own peril, or reward, dependant on how you look at it. On this subject I have no choice; it’s my nature to be so. We converse on common law, moon landing conspiracies and geometrical symbols. We touch on the subject of poisonous tap water and the quasi nature of birth certificates. It becomes a forum on the secret and unseen, the hidden truths that some of us only half suspect. I make myself return to the present only to find someone struggling against waves of meaningless job adverts. A small boat lost on the wide and untamed sea of too much information. I take the wheel and steer him toward the safer, calmer waters of “suitable vacancies”. 

I’ve been here so many times,

I have to leave the room for a moment, get away from the suddenly overbearing feelings brought on by the subjects we’ve raised. All of this makes me think about the younger me, him not so deadened by the office job and at home in the land of all things odd. Suddenly I feel tired and make me way down to the kitchen for cold water and some space. I look out of the window; trees are over grown because of the days of almost endless rain. Eyes wander and take in the roof, the pools of standing water and how quickly it all becomes green. For a second I shut out the sounds of traffic and I’m in that future I suspect will come, one day. No more boxes for things to fit in just nature left to run wild. I know my fellow Homo whatever we are at the moment and I have no place in that future. I’m saddened by this.

My thoughts are broken as my friend walks in to the room. The expression he wears tells me about his day so far. We discuss our experiences of it all and unsurprisingly they echo each other. The day has brought, as all of them do, a good dose of the ridiculous.

We move to the door, laughing as we do and just then he points at one of the window frames. Windows in the building are old and ill-fitting and rain comes through them like sweat through old skin. Recently painted white, to give the impression of newness and to comply with the importance of appearances. At the top there’s old broken wood showing, sharp like grey bone, sticking out from the new, fresh whiteness. A reminder of what lies beneath sometimes, things we cover up so that none will see them. We do it with everything, especially ourselves. We show others what we want to, very rarely what we are when we're really  being us.

Everywhere, underneath everything, there are things unseen..not least our futures.