A few nights ago, I went out with some work colleagues to commiserate the end of their employment with the company that we, between us, have worked for for roughly ten years. They went home at some point but I stayed out and drank a lot more. I'm 40, binge drinking is what we do at my age and it's all part of the coping strategy for working in "people" based jobs.
At some stage in the early hours of the next day, I found that I had, by means of money changing hands and jumbled conversation with parties at a taxi firm, been transported as if by magic back to my own dwelling. Before I began the well practiced routine of entering the house in that way that I assume is quiet as a little mouse and involves me "shhuusshhing" myself so as not to awaken those parties who, have already woken, because they've heard the little mouse banging about being quiet, I did what I always do at these moments,I looked up at the sky.
I'm very lucky to live somewhere that's not too affected by street lighting so on clear nights I get a fantastic view of The Universe even in this suburban setting. And having stopped to look at the stars, I then proceeded to do what I always do next, I stared to ask them questions. Yes,I'm the worst kind of drunk, philosophical veering towards the metaphysical.
Not for the first time, I asked them when would all this start making any bloody sense, when would my hidden destiny that I knew was out there somewhere, eventually show its self . When could I get on with being who I'm supposed to be and not bounce around from one thing to another looking for that all elusive eureka moment....why some much beauty in things if it's all just pointless??
As I've said, it's not the first time they've heard all this and it won't be the last and as usual, they kept their own council, just twinkled at me and continued burning off their hydrogen.
The rest of the night passed away in drunken slumber and more mixed messages from my subconscious that are either telling me that I do have a problem with fitting in or that I really will be fighting off the undead in a shopping centre somewhere in the near future.
I shall always love looking at the stars. They're wonderful for giving me a sense of where I really am in the scheme of things but they're useless for careers advice...
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